It's been a funny old week for football. With all eyes (in the UK at least) on the FIFA election, everyone else in the football seems to have stopped doing anything! In spite of all the top clubs supposedly having large war-chests to help their bids for the title next year, very few clubs have actually signed anyone!
With the UEFA Fair Financial Play rules coming into force, most clubs seem more intent on getting rid of players than gaining them - Aston Villa released their one-time club captain (Reo-Coker), and countless numbers of players have been dropped, as their clubs look to trim the wage-bill and get back into good health. In the Premier League the only notable transfer was Brad Friedel, who joined Tottenham on a free!
With so little action taking place, its no wonder the newspapers have taken to making stuff up - some of these might have a slight inkling of truth about them, but most will more than likely be journalists putting 2 + 2 together to make 5. Here are our favourite transfer stories….
1. Romelu Lukaku to Chelsea (Daily Mirror)
The gifted teenager models his game on Chelsea's Didier Drogba, and freely admits he would like to play up-front with his hero. The only question is whether Didier will still be there by the time Lukaku has finished his homework - all transfer talk has been put on hold until after the Belgian international completes his exams!
Chances of coming true: 6/10
2. Falcao / Damiao / Gervinho to Spurs or Arsenal (Various)
It seems that Arsenal and Spurs are doing their very best to get a Brazilian striker to the club - the only problem is that they can't decide which one is best, and when they do, they'll face a bidding war from their North London rivals! Bids of £10m are flying in, so Falcao et al have a great chance of playing in North London next season, we're just not sure where?!
Chances of coming true: 8/10
3. Cesc Fabregas to Real Madrid (Sun)
It must have been difficult for Cesc to watch the European Final, and seeing the team that he should be a part of winning the game at a canter. Whilst the silverware stacks up in Barcelona, Fabregas has won nothing at Arsenal, and doesn't look any closer to completing his dream move to Barca - not least because with Barca having Busquets, Xavi and Iniesta all playing well in his position, he wouldn't even get on to the pitch! The envy he feels might just be enough to push him into the arms of Real Madrid's Florentino Perez, who is supposedly willing to offer over £54m to get his man. With Cesc, Ronaldo, Di Maria and Higuain on the attack, maybe Madrid could take over Barca's mantle...?
Chances of coming true: 3/10
4. Brown & Gibson to Sunderland (Daily Star)
Being the manager of Manchester United is as easy as cheating at Champ Man. It can be tricky in Champ Man when you're trying to off-load your surplus players, with no bids coming in. You can have a bit of a clear-out by adding another manager to the game, and getting him to buy all your duff players for a few million quid. It seems Fergie already has a manager in place to complete his own personal squad clear-out, with old-boy Steve Bruce wanting to add Wes Brown and Darren Gibson to his list of ex-United players in the north-east, joining Richardson, Bardsley, Simpson, Campbell, etc, etc.
Chances of coming true: 7/10
5. Manchester City to sign the whole of Napoli (Metro)
Apparently Manchester city have been so impressed with Napoli's third-placed finish in Serie A this season, that they want to buy the whole squad! Apparently every single good player for the Azzurri will be offered a role with Citeh - thats Edinson Cavani, Marek Hamsik and Ezequiel Lavezzi (the whole attacking strikeforce). The Napoli fans would be distraught, but £120m should soften the blow!
Chances of coming true: 2/10
Can't see Cesc going to Real Madrid - it will kill him to have to play anti-football!